After writing 9 Ways to Show Your Man You Love Him and getting such positive feedback, I’ve decided to write something for the guys discussing what women are looking for in a relationship.
The truth is some guys don’t have any idea how to be a good husband and/or how to court a lady properly.
The new age media outlet have really watered down the role of a husband. You can see it in shows like Love and Hip Hop Atlanta, which is a hot mess by the way.
Because of this media driven secular movement very few men are plugged into the very things that women yearn from their man.
What do women really want?
It’s like women and men exist on different parallel planes, and it takes some effort on either party to shift and allow those planes to cross each other. It’s at the crossing point that clarity happens, and it happens much more easily and quickly if both partners shift towards each other.
Below you will find a list of examples of what many women want out of a relationship. Every woman is unique, though, so you will need to spend some time paying attention to details and listening to what your wife or girlfriend has to say. It will not be easy, but it will be worth it.
She is equal and expects to be treated accordingly
Her maternal ancestors have spent more than a century fighting for equality. The world isn’t perfect, but in her relationships a woman wants her man to acknowledge her equality. It’s not something you declare, but it’s in your actions.
Don’t hide financial problems from her. Involve her. And involve her in budgets and future financial planning, too. Don’t hide your problems at work from her. Confide in her. Don’t patronize her interests because they aren’t “manly”. Participate with her.
She expects honesty
Honesty goes hand-in-hand with trust. It’s hard for her to trust you if she suspects you might be hiding something. I’m not talking about the type of honesty tied to vanity (no one ever wants to answer the question “Does this make me look fat?”). She particularly craves honesty about your feelings, the relationship, and your lives together.
She wants to trust and be trusted
You want to go out with friends after work to watch the big game, so you tell your wife you have to work late. She calls you two hours later to find out if she should expect you for dinner, and hears crowded noises in the background. Not a recipe for trust, my friend.
Be where you say you’ll be, do what you say you’ll do, and be home when you say you’ll be home. And be honest if some of the people you’ll be hanging out with are also women. If you’ve struggled with honesty in the past, it’s probably a good idea to read my latest blog post, 10 Reasons why good men will NEVER cheat.
In this day and age, with women being equal and all (see above), it’s not uncommon. But if you aren’t up front about it, it will look like you are hiding something. Likewise, she wants to know that you trust her. Unless she has done something to make you suspicious, don’t act as if you don’t trust her.
She wants time and attention
When I say time and attention, I mean you can look here undivided time and attention. If you take your wife out to dinner, but spend 50% of the time checking Facebook and Instagram, or your work email, then that does not qualify as time and attention. You don’t have to spend a lot of money, but just make time and give her your 100% attention.
She want to know she is desirable
As I’ve discussed in 8 Ways To Make Your Wife Feel Special, women like to be pursued. Regardless of whether the relationship is new, or after 25 years, four babies and gray hair, a woman wants to know that her husband finds her desirable.
Engage in playfully sexual flirting, find reasons to gently touch her…often. Don’t hide that lascivious look when you catch a peek while she is dressing. Even if your flirting doesn’t always lead to sex, helping her feel desirable can help renew intimacy.
She craves dependability
The world is a crazy, sometimes scare place. And while your wife or girlfriend may be strong and independent, there are going to be times that she will need you. She will need your support emotionally, mentally, maybe even physically.
For richer in poorer, in sickness and in health. Girls may find bad boys exciting, and they may think they want a life filled with adventures, but when it comes to choosing the person she will spend her life with, in all likelihood she will prefer a man that she knows will stand beside her through it all.
She wants to laugh
Laughter is the best medicine, especially after a stressful day at work or taking care of the kids. A man who goes out of his way to make her smile is a gem. Looks fade, bodies soften, hair turns gray…but a twinkle in the eye and a quick wit are beyond measure.
She wants intimacy
Notice I didn’t say “sex” here. For many guys, sex and intimacy are one and the same. For a woman, they are not. If you have taken the time to establish a strong, intimate connection with your spouse, then you will likely not complain too much about your sex life, though! Make it your mission to find ways to be intimate, without pressuring for sex. Cuddle. Have deep conversations. Touch. Listen.
She wants acceptance
Too often in a relationship, we have hidden expectations of what we think marriage and married life is about. These may come from what we observed of our own parents, friends, books we read, and even media. However, she is an individual, which means accepting all of her, faults and all.
She will have insecurities. She won’t do everything perfectly, and neither will you. Trying to make her more like your mother, or criticizing her, just damages trust and increases insecurities. Encourage her and accept her, and she will do the same for you.
She wants the fairy tale
Girls are conditioned from a very young age to look for Prince Charming (thanks, Disney!). Your wife knows intellectually that Prince Charming doesn’t exist (most men are more like Beast, anyway), and that fairy tales aren’t real. But deep down, in her heart of hearts, your wife wants the magic. She want the romance. She wants the happily ever after.
It doesn’t mean your perfectly princely manners have be on display all the time, but, within your means, look for opportunities to give her a magical evening once in awhile. Even if it is just a rooftop picnic under the stars, don’t be afraid of a little whimsy once in awhile. Let your inner prince shine through.
Take these ideas, and make them your own. No relationship is perfect, but if you spend some time observing and listening, you can figure out what your wife or significant other is looking for in your relationship. Even if you don’t quite get it right every time, she will love the fact that you cared enough to make the effort.