When it comes to an African American marriage the risk of divorce is higher than any other ethnic group. Therefore marriage counseling is essential in relationships occupied by black couples. The minute you feel that your relationship is heading over a cliff consider getting some form of therapy very quickly. Here are some tips that can help improve your relationship.
A healthy family life is the foundation for a healthy society. So as couples it’s very important that the necessary work is put in to make relationships work. However, to have a happy and healthy marriage there are some basics every marriage need to incorporate in their committed union. If your marriage is experiencing difficulties the following advises will get your marriage back on track if both partners are willing to follow through.
Every Marriage is Different
You might have entered the marriage with pre-conceived expectations. Maybe you got these ideas from witnessing marriage life on television or even closer, from your parents or other married friends. These expectations might however, be a disappointment. To get your marriage back on track, revise these expectations. Accept that your marriage is not the same like everyone else’s. Lay it on the table what you expect from the marriage, and then both partners make the necessary adjustments and compromise where fitting. This is the first step of creating a marriage suited for the couple.
Limit outside Influences
Since the difficulties of your marriage, you might have gotten outsiders involved. You got several advices on how to get your marriage back to a happy place. Some persons might have told you to quit trying. Bringing two lives together is already difficult, and it will be more difficult when you are bombarded with too many people influencing the direction of your marriage. Limit those you talk to about your marriage to people who genuinely care about your marriage growing healthy and happy.
Redirect Your Focus
Yes, your marriage might be shaky now but focus more on the strengths of your marriage instead of what is wrong. This will motivate you to keep working on your marriage. Focus on why you got married, the love you have for each other. Focus on learning to love despite his or her imperfections. Love your spouse for who they are and not what you want them to be.
If something is bothering you say it, your spouse cannot read minds. But, never say it when you’re angry, take a walk and calm down if you must. Refrain from using hurtful words for example you always,’ chances are that is a lie. Sometimes it might even be best to say what’s on your mind in a letter, the letter too should be written when you are calm.
To show your spouse that you care about the conversation; engage each other with eye contact, really listen so you can find solutions not listen so you can find good comeback arguments. When you are not sure what your spouse is saying, ask clarifying questions, “Am I hearing you say…?”
If you recognize you were wrong, apologize. It’s really refreshing to hear your partner say I am sorry. Not just say you are sorry, say what you are sorry for. This reassures your spouse that the apology is genuine and you are not just apologizing to end the argument.
Revamp Your Sex Life
Marriage should not be all about sex, but it does play an important role in making a marriage work. To have great sex there has to be intimacy outside the bedroom. Go back to the dating days when a make out session lasted for what seem like forever. Kiss and hug each other without it leading to sex. Wives especially love this, they like to know they are not sex objects and sex is not a part of their to-do list’, making it feel like a chore instead of something they should look forward to. Husbands loved it when you rubbed their back and feet after a tiring work day. Continue doing so!
Change things up in the bedroom. Redecorating might help, like warm inviting colors and sensual candles and lightening. Wives and husbands too might need a wardrobe change, new exciting lingerie. Play bedroom couple’s game together to lengthen the foreplay. Try new sex positions; don’t be restricted to the bed either the shower works too. Do all this while keeping in mind both partners should be having sex to make the other partner happy.
There are several books available to help save your marriage like “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to your Mate.” By Gary Chapman, “Love and Respect: The Love she Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs” by Emerson Eggerich and “Men are from Mars Women are from Venus” by John Gray.