A separation could happen to the best of marriages. It is not uncommon for couples to separate and then reconcile soon after.
While it is a difficult process, there are ways to improve your chances for a successful reunion.
In this blog post, we will discuss 11 reconciliation mistakes to avoid after a separation.
What exactly is a reconciliation?
Before we get into the tips, let’s first define reconciliation. Reconciliation is the re-establishment of a broken relationship. This can be achieved by forgiveness, making amends, or some other type of resolution.
Couples often seek reconciliation after a period of estrangement. This can be due to a variety of reasons such as, infidelity, financial problems, or simply growing apart over time.
Whatever the reason for your estrangement, there are certain things you should avoid if you want to improve your chances of reconciling successfully.
Check Out: 9 Simple Steps to Rekindle Your Marriage After Separation
1. Don’t Beg or Appear Desperate
This is perhaps the most common mistake people make when trying to reconcile with their ex. If you appear desperate or needy, it will only push your ex further away.
Your ex needs to see that you are doing just fine without them. This will make them question why they left in the first place and give them a reason to come back.
2. Don’t Bring Up the Past
When you are finally ready to talk to your ex, avoid bringing up old arguments or hurts from the past. This will only serve to reignite old hostilities and make it harder to move forward.
Instead, focus on the present and the future. Talk about what you both want out of the relationship and what you are willing to do to make it work.
3. Don’t Try to Control or Manipulate
Trying to control or manipulate your ex is another common mistake people make when trying to reconcile. This may include things like threatening to leave, withholding affection, or playing games.
Control and manipulation will only make your ex feel trapped and suffocated. It will also erode trust and make it harder to rebuild your relationship.
Also Read: Should I Separate From My Husband? 9 Things to Weigh First
4. Don’t Try to Rush Things
When you are finally ready to reconcile, it is important to take things slow. Rushing into things can be overwhelming and lead to more conflict.
It is important to give yourself and your ex time to adjust to the idea of getting back together. Take things one day at a time and be patient.
5. Don’t Ignore Your Own Needs
In the process of trying to reconcile, it is important to remember your own needs. This may include things like setting boundaries, maintaining your independence, and taking care of yourself emotionally and physically.
If you neglect your own needs, you will only end up feeling resentful and used. This will make it harder to rebuild your relationship on a healthy foundation.
6. Don’t Play the Blame Game
When you are trying to reconcile, it is important to avoid playing the blame game. This means taking responsibility for your own actions and avoiding finger-pointing.
Blaming your ex for the problems in your relationship will only make them defensive and resistant to reconciling. It is important to take ownership of your own role in the breakup and be willing to work on yourself.
Read: 9 Ways Separation Can Actually Make A Relationship Stronger
7. Don’t Try to Change Your Ex
Trying to change your ex is another common mistake people make when trying to reconcile. This may include things like trying to get them to change their appearance, their job, or their friends.
Your ex is an individual with their own needs and wants. Trying to change them will only make them feel resentful and unwilling to compromise.
8. Don’t Expect Things to be Perfect
Reconciliation is not a magical fix for all your relationship problems. It is a process that requires time, patience, and effort.
Expecting things to be perfect will only set you up for disappointment. It is important to accept that there will be bumps along the way and to focus on rebuilding your relationship one day at a time.
Reconciling with an ex can be a difficult and challenging process. However, by avoiding these common mistakes, you can improve your chances of success.
9. Don’t hold grudges
While you shouldn’t completely forget thing that happen during the breakup, you also shouldn’t hold grudges against your ex.
If you want to reconcile, it’s important to let go of any negativity from the past and start fresh.
Check Out: 9 Tips For Reconciling After Separation (Treading Carefully)
10. Don’t try to take revenge
Taking revenge on your ex is another common mistake people make when trying to reconcile. This may include things like spreading rumors or trying to damage their reputation.
Taking revenge will only make your ex feel defensive and unwilling to trust you. It is important to let go of any negative feelings and focus on rebuilding your relationship.
11. Don’t be afraid to ask for help
If you are having difficulty reconciling with your ex, don’t be afraid to ask for help. There are many resources available to assist you in the process.
Reconciling after a separation can be a second chance for your marriage. By avoiding common mistakes, you increase the chances of having a successful reunion.
If you find yourselves struggling, don’t hesitate to ask for help from a therapist or counselor who specializes in relationships.
Top 10 Frequently Asked Questions about reconciliation after separation
Commonly Asked Questions
1. What are some common mistakes people make when trying to reconcile with their ex?
Some common mistakes people make when trying to reconcile with their ex include: rushing into things, ignoring their own needs, playing the blame game, trying to change their ex, expecting things to be perfect, and taking revenge.
2. What is the best way to avoid these mistakes?
The best way to avoid these mistakes is to take things slowly, focus on your own needs, take responsibility for your actions, accept your ex for who they are, and be prepared for bumps along the way.
3. Is it possible to reconcile with someone even if they’ve moved on?
It is possible to reconcile with someone even if they’ve moved on, but it may be more difficult. If they are in a new relationship, you will need to respect their boundaries and be patient. It is important to communicate openly and honestly about your feelings and expectations.
4. What if my ex doesn’t want to reconcile?
If your ex doesn’t want to reconcile, you need to respect their decision and move on. It is possible that they will change their mind in the future, but you can’t force them to do so. If they are unwilling to work on the relationship, it is best to let go.
5. How can I tell if my ex is really committed to reconciling?
Some signs that your ex is really committed to reconciling include: they express remorse for their actions, they are willing to work on the relationship, they take responsibility for their part in the breakup, they show signs of change, and they make an effort to connect with you on a deeper level.
6. What if we can’t agree on anything?
If you can’t agree on anything, it may be difficult to reconcile. It is important to be willing to compromise and meet in the middle. If you can’t seem to find common ground, it may be best to seek counseling or therapy.
7. What if we keep fighting?
If you keep fighting, it may be difficult to reconcile. It is important to try to resolve your differences in a constructive way. If you can’t seem to stop fighting, it may be best to seek counseling or therapy.
8. What if my friends and family don’t approve of my decision to reconcile?
If your friends and family don’t approve of your decision to reconcile, you need to respect their opinion but also follow your heart. Ultimately, you need to make the decision that is best for you.
9. What if we get back together and then break up again?
If you get back together and then break up again, it may be difficult to reconcile for a second time. It is important to communicate openly and honestly about your feelings and expectations. If you are not on the same page, it may be best to end things.
10. Can therapy help us reconcile?
Therapy can help you work through your differences and improve communication. If you are having difficulty reconciling on your own, it may be best to seek professional help.